Crazy Horse

A Prostitute Speaks!

By Anonymous.

I talked with a middle-aged prostitute in her mid forties in Islamabad, Pakistan. My purpose in the conversation was two fold.

First:  to find out as to why do they indulge in this notorious and despised profession?

Second:  to learn all aspects of this trade from a multi-faceted and analytical standpoint.

Here is the first half. The second part will be presented next week here on Crazy Horse.

WARNING !  All OFF topic comments face application of the Rules.

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Q-   Do you ever regret what you do for a living?

P; It is not really a regret   but sometimes a wish and yearning for having had a normal life like everyone else does cause a problem.

Q- Go on complete your thought process.

P; Well, I used to yearn for all the things that a young girl yearns for.

A good and loving husband. Children.

You know everything that everyone on the outside of my world has like respect etc. This is what I do not have and probably can never have.

Q- How old are you?

P;  I am 42 years old. Why that looks? You don’t believe me!

Q- No it is not that. It is just that you just look much older than that. But that is not important for this interview. Let me ask you my next question. Are you a Muslim?

P; I think so. I do pray perhaps not  5 times a day but close. But what difference does that make to my way of life. After all -all women are the same from an anatomic standpoint and I doubt very much that our customers are interested in what our religion is or should be. When you go to buy a melon- do you ask THEM what their religion is?

Q- I have to utilize my time for the purpose that I am here. So I am not going to answer any of your questions- but that does not mean you should not ask them. I would actually like you to ask any and all questions that come to your mind but just do not expect any answers.

How did you end up in this mess anyway?

P;  I was kidnapped and given to the Madame here in Heera Mundi . I assume you can say that I was sold, as my kidnappers did not do it for free.

Q-. Are you saying that you were actually sold into this profession if it can be called a profession?

P; yes that is what I am saying. You are not naïve enough to think that anyone comes into this profession willingly and by design or by request.

Q- No that was not my intention. I was just shocked to know that slavery is still practiced here in this Muslim country.

P; Oh yes. And in many ways too. People just do not wish to know about it.

Q- let us start the talk about the moral issue. Anyone and everyone if you ask about prostitution will say it is immoral. What do you think about that point of view?

P; if we are going to discuss that… Well I would prefer not to discuss that.

Q- When I had asked for this interview I was asked for payment for your time and I paid I might say paid well.

I was asked why did I wish to spend two hours with you alone and when I told them that I wished to ask questions-

I was told that all my questions would be answered.

And it is not I who asked specifically for you but the Madame who selected you as the person I should be with.

So the deal is that you will answer all my questions no matter how uncomfortable or how unpleasant.

If you feel that you do not wish to do that- then I must speak with your Madame and ask for my money back

P; Oh no no. Please do not do that. I will answer.

Q- why are you crying?

P; You see even this rather simple question from you makes me come face to face with my life’s helplessness. But I will be OK and so can you please repeat your question.

Q- do you ever think about the immorality of your work.

P; I used to but not anymore. When I was younger – every man I met for the short period of time that they were with me made me feel moral. Why because I was honest in expressions of my feelings towards them.

But when they left I felt bad and very depressed and you might say immoral.

As time has passed – the periods of feeling good have become fewer and fewer and the periods of depression become many more and last longer.

Q- do you take any medicine for depression?

P; No.

Q- why?  There are doctors and psychiatrists. They can prescribe medications, which can deal with this sort of problem.

P; Oh! You are so simple minded.

How can I run away from the cause of depression, which is what I do and me.

Q- then why don’t you stop it.

P; Well you do have a point but let ME ask you a question.

How will I feed myself?

Where will I live? Will someone give me shelter?

I think you know the answers to that.

Q- so does it mean that what you do is to make a living; pure and simple.

P; you can call it that though I would not label it simple.

It is far more complicated.

Q- let us talk about the actual work which is to sleep and have sex with men.

P; you are wrong. There is no sleeping.

There is just Sex and it is sort of an assembly line operation.

Every evening it starts around 8 PM and I usually end up having to provide sexual pleasure to about 6-8 men by the time it is 5 AM when the work ends.

Q- Go on tell me about the encounters.

P; Some one comes, we go into the room, the door closes. Most of the men here in Lahore are nervous and in a rush- they want to undress and get the matter going and get it over with. And then they are gone as most of them feel guilty and bad after it is over and I become the person who made them do the bad act.  I have to take a shower, clean up, put on make up and lip stick, perfume etc and get ready for the next customer and so it goes. But I would like to ask you why all this curiosity on your part?

Q- I am the one to ask the questions but to answer your curiosity- I want to learn about all aspects of this business- can I call it a business? I hope you would not mind.

P; Oh yes it is a business no doubt. There is work, management, labor, profit etc etc.

Q- after you are done with the session for one night- then what do you do.

P; Wash up, eat and go to bed and sleep. And that goes on year round.

Q- do you ever get tired of doing this.

P; Yes but I have to produce. I am like an egg laying chicken. I got to lay eggs because if I do not- then you know what happens to those chickens, which stop laying eggs.

Q- why did you use the metaphor of chicken?

P; that is how helpless I feel.

Q- Are all the men that come to see you the same?

P- No.

Q- how are they different?

P; some are young. Now that I am experienced the Madame often sends them to me.

Q- why?

P; because I am patient and they need someone who is patient with them as often they are very nervous and anxious.

You see we want them to keep coming back for more. We are investing in them and they are our future customers. What do we invest you ask?

We invest time, care and compassion.

I know you are laughing at me using the word compassion but we do have compassion for them the same way as a shoe salesman has when he fits the shoes for a child or a young person.

Q- and where do the older men sent to.

P; to the younger girls who need kindness and patience. They did that with me when I was young and even though at that time I did not like it in the beginning but with the passage of time I came to know the wisdom of that policy.

Q- Anything else you can tell me about that aspect of things?

P; Some are fat, some are skinny; some are clean and very fastidious and other are dirty and filthy.

Some are kind and gentle and I might say even caring while others are obnoxious and violent and even insulting.

Q- does the management practice discrimination?

P; Yes they do. The usual basis is age, physical appearance and favorites of the Madame usually get the better deals in terms of the type of person you end up with for one given session.

Q; How do you deal with this discrimination?

P; I don’t deal with it well. But what can I do. I am in a place where the food and shelter is provided to me on me doing certain things that are asked of me.

Q- you seem a bit down?

P; that is normal for me.

Q- you mean to say this how you live day after day?

P; Yes

Q- can you tell anymore about this aspect of your life. Are there any times when you might say that you might be happy.

P; Well I do not know if you can call it happiness but let me tell you when I do not feel so bad.

When I meet a clean and sophisticated man who is kind and gentle- who talks with me as though I am a Human being- who discusses topics such as politics and poetry and music and esp.: if he looks at me with kindness and not the disdain and contempt that is the norm. For that hour or two I feel very happy but at the same time petrified knowing that this is only temporary and will pass soon and might not happen for quite a long time.

Q- Go on. I would like you to continue.

P; Ever since I have become a prostitute – those are the times that I live for. When I was young I used to imagine every time I met someone like that that my moments of joy and happiness would not end.

But they did end again and again.

Slowly I started to become cynical and as a result became sad even when I met men like that. Especially when I met men like that.

A time came when I went to the Madame and told her not to send men like that to me. Let them go to someone else. I wanted the whole thing to be mechanical and aseptic and clinical where there was no place for emotions of any kind- just work.

But after a while- I started yearning for those kinds of men again. And I thought if I cannot have a man of my own to love me for ever- at least I could have that same kind of man for a little time.

And that is how I have come to rationalize my existence now days. I live for those short and fleeting moments that don’t last for very long.

Q- and how do you deal with the men of the other type.

Those that are dirty, those that have a foul smell coming out of their mouths etc.

P; Well, I have no choice. I try to minimize the encounter and get the thing over with as fast as I can.

I simply function as a genital receptacle where they make their deposits and they must leave.

Q- and how do you deal with those that are or become violent.

P; I am helpless. I just let them do what they want to do within reason and then end the game.

The management protects us from such types but one cannot foresee everything so we as individuals have to improvise our own defense tactics.

Q- And what those

P; we permit them to beat us up. That is it. After all they are paying for that.

Q- Ok let us talk about a different sort of topic about your trade.  I had tried to talk about the moral issues before but you had become uncomfortable. So here we go again.

Do you ever think about the moral issues?

P; what exactly are you trying to ask me about morals. It is strange that you- an educated man is sacking a prostitute about morality here. Of course in everyone’s eyes what we do is immoral.

Q- I am not interested about everyone else. I already know that.

I wish to know what you think about the issue of immorality in this work that is your profession. You may go on.

P; I feel that we provide a needed service to the community and in a different way we also provide social stability to the families because of the family structure of the society.

Q- how do you mean?

P- Well do you ever think why we have such a large number of married men with families as our customers. And we do.

It is not because they are hyper sexed or such thing- they come to us to get what they are unable to get at home.

Q- and what is that?

P; Most people live in combined family systems. The husband cannot have any privacy with his wife at any time .Why? Because the In-laws are there and they frown upon any expression of affection amongst the married.

It is considered shameless.

Even those that have a room for themselves- they have to do whatever they do quietly because the mother-in-law might become aware of the action- so to say and the resultant verbal abuse that usually follows esp.: to the wife.

After a while of this – the wife becomes less cooperative and finally the husband looks for love and compassion elsewhere which means here. So we do provide a service, which is needed.

Q- We will take a break for tea or cofee and then we will continue.

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 3rd, 2009 at 6:08 pm and is filed under Articles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.